I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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