Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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