What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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