very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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