Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
