I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
