What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
