I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
