I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
