I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
