So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
