I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
