i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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