just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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