Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
