I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
