trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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