i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize