FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
