Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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