I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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