Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
