I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
