I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize