don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
