I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
