New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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