I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
