People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
