I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
