theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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