Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
