Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
