You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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