That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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