please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
