fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
