She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
