No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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