Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
