I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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