I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
