I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
