Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
