when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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