why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
