Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
