if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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