So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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