I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
