I want to walk on stilts...naked
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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