I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
