K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
