Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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