She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize