U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize