I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
