I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
