Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
