That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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