I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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