I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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