the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
