I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
