if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
