It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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