Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
