I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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