Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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