it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
