i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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